Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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