So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
