I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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