seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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