8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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