ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You smell like stripper and shame
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.