Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can