i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
