but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
