i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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