What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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