i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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