I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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