I cannot find my penis.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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