I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
