So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
