just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
