Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize