i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
