I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
