I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
