hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
