I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
