How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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