Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
