We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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