Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
