Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
