Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
