he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
