peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
