But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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