She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
