the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
