I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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