i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
