whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Bring me that man meat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
