Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
