OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I smell like Dick and happiness
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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