so explain again why im purple
no
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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