woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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