i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
