I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
