I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
