So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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