that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!