If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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