Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..