I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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