Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
