Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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