So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
