Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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