We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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