Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
