Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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