im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
