Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
