Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He shit in the fireplace
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
