So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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