census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
