My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
