I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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