What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
