Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
