He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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