ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
