I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
