somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
