either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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