You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
