Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
