whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
