You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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