he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
