My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
ttyl tear gas
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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