and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is the high leading the old right now
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
