I bet he comes in French.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
