Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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