Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
